Many adults struggle due to unresolved traumas and broken attachments from early life. As a result they may experience anxiety, depression, or other forms of suffering. Ruptures in relationships happen for many reasons and their impact can span generations. Perhaps you’re a parent who suffered trauma or loss early in your childhood—you were adopted, or lost a parent or had a parent who grappled with mental illness. If your own parent couldn’t be there for you as a secure attachment figure, you may reach adulthood feeling disoriented. And if you are trying to be the best parent possible, you may feel like you’re “parenting on empty.”
As the poet Yehuda Amichai wrote: I fear / What the past will do to me / In the future
Support for parents
Parenting is a phase in development that gives individuals an opportunity to relive periods in their lives when trauma occurred. Fostering their children’s development may allow them to resolve past hurts and have a transformative experience—a real-time opportunity to work on healing past trauma and building a healthier present.
When a child is developing inside a mother’s womb, parents fantasize about who this child is going to be. In the end, however, children come with their own personality and ideas. Sometimes before a parent can fall in love with the child they have, they must grieve the loss of the child they dreamed of. I help parents with whatever feelings come up around these issues, and support them as they learn to fall in love with the child that they have.
I want parents to know that even if they’ve experienced trauma in their lives or difficulties with their own parents or children, they need not be destined to repeat and continue these patterns. Together, we develop hope and the skills to create joyful and mutually satisfying relationships.